Make some guesses as to WHY the behavior occurs. Take the data from your journal or chart, the patterns you've turned up there, the observations on environments, and see if you can figure out what's behind the behavior. Maybe she blows up over something inconsequential because she's used up all her patience weathering frustrations earlier in the day. Maybe he balks at math when he sees too many problems on the page. Maybe she gets wound up because being good gets her no attention. Maybe he begs for punishment because going to his room feels safer than dealing with a challenging situation. Once you have a working theory, make some changes in your child's environment to make it easier for him or her to behave. Instead of being happy that your daughter seems to be handling frustrating situations, provide support earlier in the day so that her patience will hold out longer. If your son's worksheet has too many problems, fold it to expose only a row at a time or cut a hole in a piece of paper and use it as a window to show only one or two problems at once. Give your daughter lots of attention when she's being good and none at all for bad behavior, just a quick and emotionless timeout. Recognize situations your son feels challenged by and offer an alternative between compliance and disobedience.
You may not always guess right the first time, and not every change you try will work. Effective parents will have a big bag of tricks they can keep digging into until they find the one that works that day, that hour, that minute. But investigating and analyzing behavior and strategizing solutions will help you feel more in control of your family, and your child feel safer and more secure. And that alone often cuts down on a lot of misbehavior.
